I have been feeling down lately. Although I don't know the exact reason, I don't feel like my old self. a quiet dullness that’s dimmed the things I used to love. I struggle to fall asleep, and the activities that once brought me joy, listening to music, reading, studying, no longer feels the same. More often than not, I just want to lie down and dream.

But life doesn’t allow that luxury. Responsibilities keep pulling me forward; there’s always something that has to be done. And while I still care deeply about what I do, and I know how fortunate I am to be doing it, I’ve grown weary of it being an obligation.

Perhaps that’s the reason: I loved these things because they used to be an escape, a way to fill time meaningfully and fight off boredom. Now that they’ve become duties, I find myself seeking new ways to escape, and those new distractions only leave me emptier. Hours spent scrolling through Instagram, playing video games, or watching silly YouTube videos don’t bring relief or joy but only a hollow sense of having wasted time.

I miss my old self, the one who found joy and meaning in the things he do, who worked out of curiosity rather than compulsion. Even if I can’t fully return to that version of myself, I want to reclaim a sense of purpose. I want to stop doing things that drain me, and start living in ways that make me feel whole again.